Some people are very adamant to never lay down with their kids at night, I also understand some parents can’t because their child is in a toddler bed or maybe still in a crib. I was told by many people I would be creating a terrible habit if I laid down with my daughter at bedtime…it would become “a thing.” “She wouldn’t learn to fall asleep on her own.” “It will be such a pain for you. DON’T DO IT.”
BUT what no one told me was that, those times I did lay next to her…was the only time she would pour her heart out to me. She would pull the covers up and nestle under my arm so tight. I will never get that time back and I’m oh so happy I laid down next to her all those nights before she drifted off to sleep.
I don’t know what it is about bedtime—but at night she would tell me EVERYTHING. After school when I would ask—what did you do today? Who did you sit with at lunch? I never got quite the response I was looking for…hell I was lucky to even get a “nothing.”
Bedtime is the hardest and scariest time for kids. I totally get it—because as a child I too was scared at night. I remember constantly going into my parents’ bed or screaming “mom and dad” until my parents would finally come in the room and rescue me from the dark. It’s funny saying this as an adult, but hey is true.
As parents we are constantly trying to find that balance, do the best—but not entirely sure what the best is. We are constantly hearing other people’s opinions, what’s the newest and latest in the parenting articles or what our parents and grandparents instruct us on what we “should do.” But to be honest what we should be doing is listening to our hearts and our instincts.
When I laid down with my daughter at night (smart part on us getting her that full size bed at the time) I couldn’t get her to stop talking. I would hear—what her teacher wore that day, not only who she sat next to at lunch, but what they talked about. She would tell me—what she wanted to be when she grew up (a person who sells lemonade on the sidewalk). That the worst part of her day was falling at recess and the best was drawing in art. She would say she was sorry about something she did that day. She would ask me, “Momma, how did you and dad meet?” She asked what our first date was. She would ask why people are homeless--why can’t we just give them food and blankets at night …She would ask me question after question, until I eventually had no answers. And the best part of all was when we would both say “I love you more” over and over until one of us fell asleep.
The thing is—those nights have just about come to an end. She gets in her bed, she snuggles up, she tells me she loves me—and she doesn’t really ask me to lay next her anymore. At first, I was sad--my baby is growing up! But then I felt happy and proud—she’s becoming more and more independent. She never wakes up looking for us in the middle of the night. She never comes in our room until the morning. All I have left are those sweet memories of lying next to her, rubbing her back, listening to her talk, our never-ending conversations. We don’t realize it but those little things—turn into the big things as our kids get older.
What no one ever told me was I would NEVER regret lying down with her at bedtime…because that time is time I will never get back. That time is what I hold onto the most as she grows. What no one ever told me was to lay down with her while you can because one day, she won’t want you to lay down next to her anymore.
Comments